More on Repentance

As I read through and meditated on today's quiet time in our guide for this week, I reflected even more on the idea of God's will.

How easy it is for us as Christians to wait for God to reveal His will! How easy to put off our obedience because we are waiting for God to reveal his will. How easy to wait to serve others, press into worship, pursue our mission, develop our character, sacrifice our pursuits until God tells us or shows us more of His plan for us. What a convenient excuse.

I did it. I do it.

I was 12 when God first showed me that He planned to use me in ministry. Then the picture was of a Youth Pastor. Through my high school years, I involved myself in my youth group, eventually taking on leadership roles and responsibilities. I did this to pursue God's plan for me. Along the way, I discovered that I was good at business - administration, visioning, planning, and implementing. So, I developed a goal of owning my own business some day. Soon I was pursuing that and doing my youth group stuff on the side. Then, through a set of painful experiences, God reminded me of His calling on my life. I began to prepare for Bible college and seminary by going to Jr. College and working to save. When it was time to transfer to the university, I didn't have enough money saved and had to take a year off of school to work and save money. After a year, I didn't have enough money and had to work more. I did less in my youth ministry and even gave up on Sunday worship. And soon my old desires to start my own business resurfaced. And I began to pray that God would show me His will. Here's what God showed me. (He led me to some scriptures, spoke to my spirit, and used fellow believers to advise me.) I didn't need to know more about God's future for me. He had already revealed all I needed to know about that. I needed to follow God's will for today and by obeying Him today, He would get me to the tomorrow He had planned for me.

Well, I made a fast and sweeping course change and got myself in to the university the very next semester. God took care of the money and everything else too!

I have such a painful desire to rule my own life: to make my own decisions and set my own priorities. I remember a season in my life and ministry when I could identify weekly, if not daily, instances of sensing God's direction. And in those seasons I always got closer to God's ultimate plan and in fact lived God's ultimate plan.

I need God. I need His Spirit to guide me every day in every way.

I have shamefully tried to take over God's position of leadership in my life and given myself permission to do so for a thousand reasons, not the least of which is because I am waiting for God to show me His will for my future. I need His will for this minute. I need to obey what I already know about for this minute. I need to repent of doing my life and my ministry my way and just get back to what I already know from God, and seek His direction for every act of obedience to that divine will.